Well, 2009 did not end up being the year of savings, but it was the start of savings, which was a positive start. What that means is that now, 2 years later, I'm finally in a more realistic position to take a year leave of absence and travel the world - but it won't happen until 2012, when, if everything goes according to plan, I will actually have enough saved to keep my apartment during my travels. I think in 2009, when I first started, it was pretty unrealistic and I was spasticly flailing around looking for an escape. I guess it might not look like things have changed, but I've had two years to think about what I wanted to do and have spent that time (kinda) saving. I aways thought of the "travel the world" option to be the course of last resort, the option that would not be an option, but would be what happened when I had a full melt down. I spent a lot of time thinking that I should try to take the adult option - find a different job that will build on what I've learned at the firm and that will give me career options. But I'm either (1) too exhausted to really engage in the deliberation it takes to figure out what a realistic option would be that I would really like to do ("sarah, what DO you want to be when you grow up") or (2) am not one of those people who will ever feel passionately about what I do (not everyone is going to live to work). Either way, the end result is that while I've spent a lot of time thinking about my next step, I haven't actually spent any time apply to jobs or getting close to leaving this one (which then makes me feel guilty for not taking charge of my own destiny, which brings me down and compounds the feelings of helplessness and futility that I feel at work - the lovely endless cycle of self-criticism, self-doubt and self-loathing.
What I've recently come to accept is that what I really want to do is travel. See more of the world. Take the time to get out of the relatively toxic environment at the firm, re-charge, see what other options are out there.
It wasn't easy to get here. It required getting over myself and the idea that this was the easy way out or the self-indulgent choice. Also that I wasn't taking a next "successful" step that sounded impressive. Getting over the idea that people would think that I'm dropping out, not living up to my potential, or becoming a cliche. So many people in similar positions to me have taken this option, so I'm not even being particularly original. Plus, it smacks of upper-middle class malaise: "poor me, I've been working for five whole years and its hard. I feel stressed and over-burdened. I don't have to worry about the basics of life - putting a roof over my head, food on my table and paying for health care - because I have a prestigious six-figure salary job. But I don't feel fulfilled and I think I deserve to feel fulfilled." There are several books on the topic (usually written by women a decade or two older than me - I don't know if that means that I'm ahead of the curve or that the curve is just speeding up). I guess its a quasi interesting phenomenon - highly educated professions are not fulfilled professionally dropping out. I guess this is one of the reasons my choice feel like a cop-out. We are smart, educated, young and hard-working. Instead of trying to change the paradigm, we are buying into it and then leaving. The boomers changed the paradaigm (or actually, probably bought into it and then co-opted the statues symbals as their own so that they found fulfillment partly from the work and partly the lives that the work allowed them to create). My generation is clearly not happy with the paradigm, and not satsified with the products (haha, literally. oh, sarah, so punny) of our labor. What should we do? Quit? Well, that's what we are doing. But we can't all drop out. How are we ever going to have careers or keep the machines running for the next generations.
Mostly, however, I'm so unhappy with what I'm doing that I don't care. I don't want to be part of the machine any more. Maybe some time off will give me some clarity so I can come back and do it more realistically. But what I'm secretly (or, now, not so secretly) hoping is that I will find another way to do it that isn't tied to a nine-to-five day and a 50 week year. Where work is more fluid with life. Where I feel alive when I'm working and not just hoping I have energy for life after my work day.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Update No. 1 (January Results)
So I have not been able to save the $1000-$1500 extra this month. I did put an additional $1,000 towards my credit card and have been saving $100 of every $200 I take from the ATM. Apparently I take a lot of money out of the ATM a month, since I have almost $900 saved in cash in my wooden box. But, hey, savings is savings. Looking at the numbers, I withdrew $1670.85 from the ATM - no wonder I have so much in savings. That's about $200 in cash a week. Most of it goes to lunch at work ($50-$60 a week), cabs and drinks on the weekend. As much as I will try to cut this back, I don't know how realistic it is. The problem with cash is that if I have it, I will spend it. The problem with not having cash is that I am not as aware of what I am spending. The point of this blog is to make me more aware and make my cash more precious, so we will keep an eye on things over the year and see how it progresses.
My big expenses this month were $292.29, which was an engagement present for D, it was kind of an accident and I didn't really mean to pick up the tab for a 6 person dinner in the W. Village. But once it was done, it was done. She did get me a Longchamp bag as a thank you, which means that I don't actually have to buy one, since I have been wanting one forever, but couldn't justify spending over $100 on a bag that I was going to use like a gym bag.
The clothing expenses look higher than they are, at $831.87. But $364.68 was spent at Paris, which was pre-year of living frugally, and $100 was spent on my deposit for my bridesmaid dress for Emilie's wedding. So I spend around $400 on clothes this month. I think a lot of it was before the resolution - thinks I bought between Christmas and NY that did not post until after the new year, because I don't remember buying that much, other than maybe a top at Anthro.
That doesn't mean that I didn't spend money this month - and that there are not some things that I can do to cut back. First, the Hudson Valley trip was about $600 ($200 for B&B; $200 for dinner; $200 for rental car) . MC theoretically owes me for half of the trip, but I don't expect to see that money back any time soon.
My big expenses this month were $292.29, which was an engagement present for D, it was kind of an accident and I didn't really mean to pick up the tab for a 6 person dinner in the W. Village. But once it was done, it was done. She did get me a Longchamp bag as a thank you, which means that I don't actually have to buy one, since I have been wanting one forever, but couldn't justify spending over $100 on a bag that I was going to use like a gym bag.
The clothing expenses look higher than they are, at $831.87. But $364.68 was spent at Paris, which was pre-year of living frugally, and $100 was spent on my deposit for my bridesmaid dress for Emilie's wedding. So I spend around $400 on clothes this month. I think a lot of it was before the resolution - thinks I bought between Christmas and NY that did not post until after the new year, because I don't remember buying that much, other than maybe a top at Anthro.
That doesn't mean that I didn't spend money this month - and that there are not some things that I can do to cut back. First, the Hudson Valley trip was about $600 ($200 for B&B; $200 for dinner; $200 for rental car) . MC theoretically owes me for half of the trip, but I don't expect to see that money back any time soon.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
2009 the Year of Living Frugally
January, 2009. So this will be the year of living frugally. I've been working at the firm for two and a half years now and have only $10k to show for it, especially now that that bottom is dropping out of the real estate market and the apt isn't holding its value.
I've pretty much failed every time I have tried to save money, but hopefully I will be more successful this year. Last year the goal was not to be a bitch to people I didn't know (or to generally be more open to new people) and I think I am actually a more open person now (whether or not that's a good thing is another question). So maybe themes work better than goals. So the year of living frugally.
Ian says to set concrete goals and as much as I hate it when people give me advice, he is probably right. Concrete goals, manageable goals. Maybe I can actually stick to this one.
First, every time I take out $200 from the ATM, I am going to save $100. This is only save about $400 a month, but its better than spending that. Goal number two is to save $1,000 from the second paycheck of the month. The goal depends on keeping the credit card bill down. Its now at $5,000-ish. If we get our raise, I should be able to save $1,500 a month.
As of today, I have put half of the first ATM pull into savings. Woo hoo.
Of course, this also means that I can't shop for clothes like I have done in the past. Le sigh. That will probably be the hardest part - keeping my expenditures down when I have that extra cash lying around. So another goal should be to keep the money out of my bofa checking and savings account where I can get to it quickly.
I've pretty much failed every time I have tried to save money, but hopefully I will be more successful this year. Last year the goal was not to be a bitch to people I didn't know (or to generally be more open to new people) and I think I am actually a more open person now (whether or not that's a good thing is another question). So maybe themes work better than goals. So the year of living frugally.
Ian says to set concrete goals and as much as I hate it when people give me advice, he is probably right. Concrete goals, manageable goals. Maybe I can actually stick to this one.
First, every time I take out $200 from the ATM, I am going to save $100. This is only save about $400 a month, but its better than spending that. Goal number two is to save $1,000 from the second paycheck of the month. The goal depends on keeping the credit card bill down. Its now at $5,000-ish. If we get our raise, I should be able to save $1,500 a month.
As of today, I have put half of the first ATM pull into savings. Woo hoo.
Of course, this also means that I can't shop for clothes like I have done in the past. Le sigh. That will probably be the hardest part - keeping my expenditures down when I have that extra cash lying around. So another goal should be to keep the money out of my bofa checking and savings account where I can get to it quickly.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Getting Started
Goal - to leave the legal profession in mid-2009 and travel the world. More to come.
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